Water, Water…go away

Yesterday was a terrible walk down memory lane. A day that PTS raged and frankly I was and still am horrified that I physically reacted the way I did.
It began as a normal day for me, washing clothes. This is something that I do every single day in my house. Monday I just had installed a brand new washing machine so I sat nearby with my computer and monitored it because I am still slightly paranoid of the machine’s workings. I’m not used to the sounds it makes and it’s a different brand and is a newer model and it works differently than what I’m used to. Mind you anything that differentiates from the norm in my routine tends to make me anxious and slightly panicky anyway. I was the same way Monday the first time I used it, so this has been all during the week that I’ve been on edge but it’s been ever so slightly tapering off.
Yesterday I’m sitting here and the machine goes into its draining cycle and I hear the distinct sound of dripping and leaking water. My hearing is not perfect and my brain is known to trick me and I know I am paranoid and I paused a moment but I got up and sure enough the machine is leaking water onto the floor from the back drain. OMG….this is such a huge trigger for me because I have been through a washing machine flood before.
When I lived on the third floor apartment when I was newly married my machine’s drain house came off and all of the water came out onto the floor and I walked into the kitchen to find inches of water on the floor. It had gone down into the neighbor’s apartment below me too. I panicked and threw towels onto the floor while the water was pouring out. All of it was totally illogical because a towel would do no good. I should have stuck the hose back onto the machine. But that was years ago, and here I am faced with this IMPENDING DOOM….my brain at least had sense enough this time to shut off the machine, unplug it, shut off the water, move my father, then grab towels if needed. Physically I was sick though and I felt totally out of control. My whole body was shaking, every muscle in my legs and my heart was shaking. I wanted to run away screaming. My response was so out of proportion to what was happening. And when my daughter came downstairs I started crying like someone had died because I couldn’t handle another catastrophe with water again. I wonder if I had drowned in a past life?
Then I called the first plumber in the phone book for an emergency house visit which is very expensive. It took them two hours to get here!! The whole time I thought the machine would start up again on its own and start draining water onto the floor. You know, I’m not a child but when this occurred I’d have believed you if you told me a monster was going to jump out of the machine. I wanted to take a baseball bat and beat it to the floor. I hate them so much.
When the plumber finally got here, he spilled more water onto the floor and then put my clean white towels onto the floor. He told me the drain was plugged and used the snake to try to clean it out but it was too plugged for him to do it. So, he was going to disconnect the pipe under the sink and make a huge mess and stink the house up. But he couldn’t get the pipe disconnected because it was so old and like cement, he said. I had enough and I was emotionally and physically dead. I felt like I was losing my mind and all because of some water. I don’t understand how it can be so powerful in my mind. I’m controlled by something that happened years ago. Thank God I didn’t drink because I sure wanted to yesterday!!
So, I told the plumber to forget it. Go away, I would do something else. I ended up paying him for making a mess and doing nothing productive but trying. I think I’m going to move this washer into my basement because if it leaks down there then I won’t care if there’s water on my basement floor. I feel like I have to get in charge again. Right now I feel like I’m not in control and I need to be. So, even if it costs me more money I’m willing to buy happiness. First, I’ll think about this and try and make some sense…..while washing my clothes at the laundromat.


30 Days of Creativity~Day 22


TODAY creates the one day that all others will follow.
Look to the left. Look to the right. Don’t forget behind you. Always behind you….they may be lurking behind you.

Dead body floating at the edge of the pier.
Missing since last night but nobody was aware
that you fell off the end in a moment spent being high.
So super high the sky was in reach
and the stars called your name and swung on the beach.

You answered them one by one and did a little dance with a fish that was striped and came from France.
Wore a top hat and carried a cane he walked around in circles and called out your name.
He spoke with an accent and I think it was insane.
Speaking words of warning about the herbal game.

Then he took your hand and spun you in a circle.
He asked to borrow money thinking you were Angie Merkel.
Musical notes appeared on the pier below your feet.
Tripping yellow tulips grew around named Pete.
Dancing to the music from another land.
Orchestral melodies that sounded so grand.

Ripples laid black in the water glistened
The moonlight bounced off tried to listen
Listened for the sound that all was foretold
She knew your agenda was to be so bold.
Fear was nothing written into your script as
you edged closer to the side. Will you slip?

Stars inched closer to bid farewell to a friend
they spoke nightly to as you danced  along the dock
imaginary partners, lovers in lock
Sharp stinging your eyesight, the stars became blurry
Cold slap to the face your breath inhaled hurried

Where is the crashing coming from?
The screams emitting? The echoes from all sides
your mind is submitting, the end is upon you as the
water closes around. Heaviness, sinking dragging you down. Confusion greets you then the stars sing to you.

Lightness lifts you higher and stars shine again.
My top-hatted French fish I see you again!!
I’ll dance on the boardwalk and walk among the flowers. But no one can hurt me I have magical powers.
They found you floating by the pier early that day.
You were forgotten by the end of the week. It was  election day.

I hope you all like this. This is my first attempt at creating a poem that I consider Lewis Carrollesque and I like it. It’s after 1:30 in the morning now and this new medication has given me insomnia. Maybe I should try to sleep again. Imagine the wonderful dreams I’ll have now. Oh goody!