Water, Water…go away

Yesterday was a terrible walk down memory lane. A day that PTS raged and frankly I was and still am horrified that I physically reacted the way I did.
It began as a normal day for me, washing clothes. This is something that I do every single day in my house. Monday I just had installed a brand new washing machine so I sat nearby with my computer and monitored it because I am still slightly paranoid of the machine’s workings. I’m not used to the sounds it makes and it’s a different brand and is a newer model and it works differently than what I’m used to. Mind you anything that differentiates from the norm in my routine tends to make me anxious and slightly panicky anyway. I was the same way Monday the first time I used it, so this has been all during the week that I’ve been on edge but it’s been ever so slightly tapering off.
Yesterday I’m sitting here and the machine goes into its draining cycle and I hear the distinct sound of dripping and leaking water. My hearing is not perfect and my brain is known to trick me and I know I am paranoid and I paused a moment but I got up and sure enough the machine is leaking water onto the floor from the back drain. OMG….this is such a huge trigger for me because I have been through a washing machine flood before.
When I lived on the third floor apartment when I was newly married my machine’s drain house came off and all of the water came out onto the floor and I walked into the kitchen to find inches of water on the floor. It had gone down into the neighbor’s apartment below me too. I panicked and threw towels onto the floor while the water was pouring out. All of it was totally illogical because a towel would do no good. I should have stuck the hose back onto the machine. But that was years ago, and here I am faced with this IMPENDING DOOM….my brain at least had sense enough this time to shut off the machine, unplug it, shut off the water, move my father, then grab towels if needed. Physically I was sick though and I felt totally out of control. My whole body was shaking, every muscle in my legs and my heart was shaking. I wanted to run away screaming. My response was so out of proportion to what was happening. And when my daughter came downstairs I started crying like someone had died because I couldn’t handle another catastrophe with water again. I wonder if I had drowned in a past life?
Then I called the first plumber in the phone book for an emergency house visit which is very expensive. It took them two hours to get here!! The whole time I thought the machine would start up again on its own and start draining water onto the floor. You know, I’m not a child but when this occurred I’d have believed you if you told me a monster was going to jump out of the machine. I wanted to take a baseball bat and beat it to the floor. I hate them so much.
When the plumber finally got here, he spilled more water onto the floor and then put my clean white towels onto the floor. He told me the drain was plugged and used the snake to try to clean it out but it was too plugged for him to do it. So, he was going to disconnect the pipe under the sink and make a huge mess and stink the house up. But he couldn’t get the pipe disconnected because it was so old and like cement, he said. I had enough and I was emotionally and physically dead. I felt like I was losing my mind and all because of some water. I don’t understand how it can be so powerful in my mind. I’m controlled by something that happened years ago. Thank God I didn’t drink because I sure wanted to yesterday!!
So, I told the plumber to forget it. Go away, I would do something else. I ended up paying him for making a mess and doing nothing productive but trying. I think I’m going to move this washer into my basement because if it leaks down there then I won’t care if there’s water on my basement floor. I feel like I have to get in charge again. Right now I feel like I’m not in control and I need to be. So, even if it costs me more money I’m willing to buy happiness. First, I’ll think about this and try and make some sense…..while washing my clothes at the laundromat.

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Are You Afraid of Lists?

I bought a book the other day called ‘Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally’ by Patti Digh. Her stepfather had been diagnosed with lung cancer and only lived for 37 days after that. The book is based on things to try, for example, “do it now” 10-minute exercises which are based on a life lesson, etc. if you had only 37 days left to live. These are meaningful things, things that make you think and ponder what life taught you. So far I’ve enjoyed these lessons and some I’ve done with my older daughter too. For instance, one lesson I worked on last night while trying to fall asleep, was to list twenty things I was afraid to do. This is what I have so far.

  1. AFRAID TO SKYDIVE
  2. AFRAID TO GO IN CAR AS A PASSENGER WHEN A FRIEND IS DRIVING
  3. AFRAID TO LEARN TO SWIM PROPERLY
  4. AFRAID TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE
  5. AFRAID TO GO IN A SMALL CAVE
  6. AFRAID TO VISIT THE DYING
  7. AFRAID OF WEARING A BATHING SUIT
  8. AFRAID OF BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP
  9. AFRAID OF MY HOUSE CATCHING FIRE
  10. AFRAID OF SUCCESS
  11. AFRAID OF BEING ALONE

I thought this would be easier than it is but realistically it isn’t.

Some of these, the being alone and the visiting the dying I’ve done which is why I’m afraid of them and hate them too. Others, I’m terrified of and will never try if you gave me a trillion dollars. Keep it, I don’t care about money. It won’t matter if I’m dead.

By the way, the point of the lesson is to try to do one or two of these things each day and to conquer your fears.  Well, I suppose when I’m alone I could exercise to get rid of this cellulite on my hips and ass then maybe I would wear a bathing suit to the beach in the year 2016. Good thing the Mayans said we’ll ll be dead, now I don’t have to worry about a yellow, polka dot bikini or a blue one piece.

Can you come up with your own list of twenty things you’re afraid of? Or how about ten, if not twenty? I’d love to know some of them in the comments if you want to share.

30 Days of Thanks~Day 7

Today I wanted to write how thankful I am to be an immigrant. Then I started thinking aren’t we really all immigrants. I’m thinking back to the days when the world was one big ice ball, the days of Pangaea and after. I used to love that part of history or as it was conveniently called Ancient History when I went to school. I’m not going to look up all the paleolithic names because I haven’t got the brain matter left to do those things since starting these pills but I’ll just say……..”When I was a kid…wait a minute, I’m not THAT old….how about when my father was a boy? (there, that’s better) the earth was still forming its continents and the plates were moving about and man eventually began moving about too. So aren’t we all just immigrants somehow, someway?

Okay Dot, you’re off your rocker.

I’m thankful for being the daughter of a LEGAL IMMIGRANT. There, that’s what I’ve been trying to say all along. My father immigrated here from Norway in 1926 and came through Ellis Island. I’m especially grateful his father settled in Boston and decided not to go out into the Midwest along with many of the other Scandinavians. I love living in Boston even though there are very few Norwegians here. I was raised to be an American and we only spoke English. I wanted to learn Norwegian but that was forbidden as we lived in America. As an adult I understand but it would have been cool to know another language. So, I’m lucky and thankful, I don’t have to go through the misery that people have to go through today that try to get into my country and even with the problems here I don’t see droves of people packing up to leave either. Thank you to my grandfather and to my Dad. Or maybe I should say MANGE TAKK!

 

my grandfather, father, and aunts

 

30 Days of Thanks~Day 5

Yes, that’s right…I’m thankful for the invention of the first automatic hot water heater!! Growing up a Ruud Monel tank was even the kind of hot water heater we had (see ad above). My father installed it in our house in 1950 and it functioned until 2008 ! It kept pumping out the hot water but the outer tank eventually rusted out. Today we have a different one with a measly ten year warranty. Guess they don’t make ’em like they used to, huh?

In 1868, a British decorative painter named Benjamin Waddy Maughan patented the first instantaneous water heater for household use. Called the “gas geyser,” Maughan’s invention employed natural gas to heat the water as it flowed into the tub. The geyser didn’t have a flue for venting gas vapors, so it was dangerous to use. Maughan’s design inspired mechanical engineer Edwin Ruud, a Norwegian immigrant to the United States, who patented his automatic storage water heater in 1889. Ruud’s water heater was a gas-heated, cast iron appliance with a copper heat exchanger. When the bather opened a water faucet, an actuator valve turned on the heater’s burners.

You’ve got to admit if we didn’t have hot water on demand life would be very different. We’ve all experienced black outs on occasion and had to boil water and the inconvenience and waiting for the water to come to temperature. Can you imagine having to do that for bath water, never mind wanting to take a shower? Just the other day when I had a migraine I stood under that shower for twenty minutes and let the hot water hit me in the head pretending it was washing the pain away from me. Running water also emits negative ions which is a great thing. Negative ions are invisible molecules in the atmosphere. According to the Web MD website, once negative ions are inhaled and reach our bloodstream, they are believed to regulate levels of the mood chemical serotonin, consequently helping in alleviating depression, anxiety and stress, while also boosting our energy. Negative ions help bring our brain to a higher awareness level. All I know is it feels really good and helped ease the pain of my migraine for the time I was in the shower. If only I had a 75 gallon tank 🙂
Aaahhhh…..a hot bath or a hot shower. Life is good when you have that luxury.

Some Sense to It All

Last year my younger daughter had a past life reading done. I can’t say that I’m a skeptic because I’m not. I believe we spend many lives here and after each one we evolve to a higher plane of understanding. The life we live is our choice, everything….good and bad. I know that sounds crazy. Why would I choose to have bipolar disorder? This helps me evolve faster. It was a choice I made in Heaven. Of course, in Heaven everything is perfect and I made lots of choices and thought I can easily handle all of them because I knew the outcome would ultimately be fine. We all return to our spirit form which is pure energy. What we experience here is simply to help ourselves evolve quicker. Anyway, enough of my soapbox.
So, I also decided to have a past life reading. I also wanted to know whether I was a starseed or elemental. I already ‘knew’ what I was but I wanted confirmation from another. I was told I am a starseed which means I originated from a star system ages ago. I am ancient…something else I knew. I have taken human form many, many times. I was told of a life I lived in the 1840s in the West in America. I had a very good life and had three sons. I was raised by a father that only had two daughter and since he was a rancher he raised us like his sons, as cowgirls. I loved the life and the open spaces and nature. I fell in love with a man named Daniel Humphrey, he was my soul mate and we worked side by side. It sounded like a fairy tale life to me. I was told that my life now could be difficult to me because my soul mate did not incarnate with me, so, even though I have many soul mates in this life, my true love is not here now. I would feel a sense of loneliness and loss. This is so true. Even when I was married, my husband didn’t share my hobbies, I always felt something was missing. It’s a feeling in the heart, very hard to describe. Just receiving confirmation of all of this has made me feel like pieces of my life have come together. Explains so much about my personality too.
I don’t know if anyone else has had one done or they have an interest but it was eye opening to me.