I didn’t drink for about two years, which was a good thing for me, an alcoholic. I joined AA and went to the meetings and after the required time I even spoke at meetings on the stage in front of an audience of my peers. They suggest you do this and I actually wanted to when it came to helping others. Yet, fast forward three years and once again, I’m drinking. Honestly, I’d rather smoke pot if it was legal but it isn’t and liquor is, so why not join the rest of society and partake? Marijuana is better because it is medicinal but I’m just too lazy to pursue that angle, though I have my medical records I could rely on. Alcohol is very destructive. It falls into my plan of self hatred. I’m very depressed and alcohol is like liquid food feeding a vicious cycle. I know I can’t go on like this. I put on a good face but it’s all just bullshit. This is the first time I’ve cancelled many appointments with my therapist in a row because I just don’t care anymore. There is no one to care for. They are all dead. Just me and my bunny. No one else. Maybe I can drive my car into the ocean and disappear. What difference does it make? The sharks would be happy. Or maybe not, they might not be into pickled human. HA! Oh…. who really cares anyways…
So, I wish everyone a happy 2014. For me 2013 was a year of death, almost death, and rebirth. There was a lot of learning going on too. Not to say that I don’t have a lifetime more of learning to still do, though. 2013 saw my Dad die, my alcoholism spiral totally out of control. On May 31, I overdosed on pills and booze and ended up close to dying but it was a good thing for it is now my day of sobriety. I haven’t had a drink since that day. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and started working on myself and caring for myself instead putting the emphasis on everyone else like I had been for so long. I enrolled in the community college in August and began taking two classes online in September. I ended up getting a 4.0 GPA in December and classes will start again on the 21st this month. This time I’ll attend the classes at the college rather than online. I get to sit with the students that are close to 30 years younger than me. ( Sometimes I feel like I’m in a TV show.. lol ) So, I’m attempting to attain a degree in culinary arts. I’ve cooked my whole life and feel that I should get credit for it and maybe I can find a job cooking for somebody. I’m not going to worry about that part yet.
I’m looking forward to 2014 and will attempt to make it a year in which I learn more and grow more.
Wishing you all the best!