Beverage Disorder

I didn’t drink for about two years, which was a good thing for me, an alcoholic. I joined AA and went to the meetings and after the required time I even spoke at meetings on the stage in front of an audience of my peers. They suggest you do this and I actually wanted to when it came to helping others. Yet, fast forward three years and once again, I’m drinking. Honestly, I’d rather smoke pot if it was legal but it isn’t and liquor is, so why not join the rest of society and partake? Marijuana is better because it is medicinal but I’m just too lazy to pursue that angle, though I have my medical records I could rely on. Alcohol is very destructive. It falls into my plan of self hatred. I’m very depressed and alcohol is like liquid food feeding a vicious cycle. I know I can’t go on like this. I put on a good face but it’s all just bullshit. This is the first time I’ve cancelled many appointments with my therapist in a row because I just don’t care anymore. There is no one to care for. They are all dead. Just me and my bunny. No one else. Maybe I can drive my car into the ocean and disappear. What difference does it make? The sharks would be happy. Or maybe not, they might not be into pickled human. HA! Oh…. who really cares anyways…


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