I gave my father his first dose of morphine today. It is the beginning of his transition from his life on this earth to one with God. Now he is actively dying and the morphine helps ease the transition. He is exhibiting signs that Hospice have seen in many patients before him. It’s true, some I had seen when my husband died and some when my mother died. He will grasp at unseen things in the air above him and push the covers off of him. There is a restlessness about him and he has stopped eating and drinking fluids for two days now. The process can take days or a week or more. It’s between him and God. I am starting to become a bit dissociated now because I have already gone through the denial and outbursts of crying for the past few days. Having no control over the process is very difficult on me because I am a control freak and I cared for him for so many years and now I can only change him and watch this and administer some medicine.

My brother is still in the hospital and hopefully will get out before my father passes. It would be horrible for him not to have seen him otherwise but they won’t let him leave until his blood levels reach a certain point. In the meantime, it’s a waiting game.

So, I hope everyone has started the new year in a good way.


8 thoughts on “2013

  1. lala1966 says:

    I didn’t know that people exhibited certain behaivors just before death. Dot, I know that you have been in a state of grief and stress so long now. With the sickness and death of your husband, caring for your father, and also dealing with the same struggles that we have to go through in life (kids, taking care of a home, crisis situations (example the washer), while trying to stop drinking. Through it all, you have been a strong person. I believe that what ever is to come, you will still have that strength. I am still keeping you in my prayers. Thank God for morphine to make one a little more comfortable in the last few days. I love you dearly xx (((hugs)))

    • bipolarblake says:

      I’m sorry that this burden has been given to you. My aunt and my mother are nurses, and took it upon themselves to bring Grandma home when she was fatally ill with cancer. It was difficult for us all. Most of the immediate family were gathered as she passed from this world. I spoke with her moments before she passed, it was the beginning of April, and I told her not to worry… God was bringing home on a day close to Easter, that’s when He makes all things new again. In all truth, I was (and am) going through a crisis of faith, but I saw the comfort it offered her. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek. I saw her last breath, and I wouldn’t go back and change that even if I could. About 3 years later, my brother was with my Grandfather when he had his fatal heart attack out in his front yard… and although that was so mentally scarring for my brother, I know he wouldn’t have changed it either.

      Again, I’m sorry… and if it’s any consolation, it’s a solemn honor to be the one by his side. You’re in my thoughts.

  2. unfetteredbs says:

    so sorry for your pain and sadness Dorothy

  3. rainey says:

    Thinking of you,my friend.

  4. rainey says:

    Dot, I woke up and had you on my mind for some reason. You are going through such a difficult time right now, and I want you to know I am still here for you. I cannot ease your pain, but just know that I am sending good, healing thoughts your way. Please remember to take care of yourself.
    Much love, Rainey

    • Dorothy says:

      thanks….my Dad passed away on the 6th but I didn’t write anything here…I’ve just been in a holding pattern trying to get my life in order. It’s strange without him. Thanks for all of your caring thoughts and words, it really helps me. 🙂

  5. frangipani says:

    I’ve missed you! Hope things are better for you now. Do write and post pics when you can.

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