I gave my father his first dose of morphine today. It is the beginning of his transition from his life on this earth to one with God. Now he is actively dying and the morphine helps ease the transition. He is exhibiting signs that Hospice have seen in many patients before him. It’s true, some I had seen when my husband died and some when my mother died. He will grasp at unseen things in the air above him and push the covers off of him. There is a restlessness about him and he has stopped eating and drinking fluids for two days now. The process can take days or a week or more. It’s between him and God. I am starting to become a bit dissociated now because I have already gone through the denial and outbursts of crying for the past few days. Having no control over the process is very difficult on me because I am a control freak and I cared for him for so many years and now I can only change him and watch this and administer some medicine.

My brother is still in the hospital and hopefully will get out before my father passes. It would be horrible for him not to have seen him otherwise but they won’t let him leave until his blood levels reach a certain point. In the meantime, it’s a waiting game.

So, I hope everyone has started the new year in a good way.