I have a problem speaking up when I ask for help. And then when I do I don’t want to seem as if I am being picky about it so I just take what I get. I asked for help from my p-doc regarding my medication because I was rapid cycling and it was very uncomfortable being me. I had been drinking previously and didn’t want to start relying on that again so I asked him if there was something left out of all the medications I’ve tried that would work that wouldn’t make me gain weight. (that is the clincher because we all know that most of them do). First he misunderstood me and thought I was still heavily drinking and wanted me to take this pill for drinkers, which I refuse to take. I told him I was manic but he said I must be depressed because I described depressed symptoms: not wanting to get up, eating too much, not wanting to live, etc, etc. He wanted to know why I won’t take some more Depakote. And then my mind left me hanging there with no answer. I couldn’t tell him why not. All I could think of was why I stopped taking the higher dosage five years ago. Depakote made me have liver pains and esophageal spasms then but all I could think to say on the phone was, okay I’ll try it again. He told me to take the extended release pill and cut it in half and take one and a half. The important thing about Depakote is that I have to take name brand and not generic. I will have a seizure on the generic. Today I’m worried that cutting it in half and exposing the extended release will destroy it and screw me all up. But, you know I won’t say a thing until I have a seizure. This is my problem. I won’t say a thing because I asked for help and now I just have to shut up and take what was offered. I don’t know where this came from, why I have to remain silent so long….maybe it won’t happen and I can just forget about it.