I’m One Out of Many

So, I’m back posting about being crazy again. Also I’m seriously struggling with the idea of staying sober. I don’t see any redeeming values in it other than feeling good physically. I am going crazy mentally because of menopause. I’ve been reading about it and it says that my other problems that I suffer from will more than likely recur too; the panic attacks and the anxiety, the psychogenic seizures I experience, these will come back more often. Also my vocabulary has been reduced to an elementary school level since the dictionary in my brain caught fire during that last hot flash. I have tried doing exercise and it gets me manic which in turn makes me want to kill everyone near me. I think I’ve become burned out from my caregiving duties too. I’ve been taking care of my father every day for over four years with only ten days away in 2010, my husband in 2011, and my mother for three years from 2001 to 2004. After the washing machine flooded I think I fell apart. Everything seems to be bothering me and I just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other but I’m only human. I don’t want to handle this anymore. I’m tired of being the one that makes all the decisions. I seriously need to get away from all of this especially in my own head.

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6 thoughts on “I’m One Out of Many

  1. crb46 says:

    I don’t blame you for having those feelings Dot. I’ve kind of been thinking about that. Especially you having to care for your father since you were talking about it on FB. I think you need a vacation too. You need some time to focus on yourself. I know menopause makes everything ten times worse. Actually I don’t think I could handle your plate full myself. I don’t know what to tell you other than you are really in my thoughts and prayers a lot. It’s weird but you seem to be the closest thing to a friend I have online or in real life. (((hugs)))

    • Dorothy says:

      Thanks Carla…it’s too bad we don’t live closer cause you know I’d probably bug the hell out of you. I appreciate the prayers so much. I have to try to get through this and even if I fall I just have to get back up and try again.
      Hugs back at you!

  2. unfetteredbs says:

    Im gonna hit like but only because I want to support you and for you to know I am thinking of you.
    I am however. going tell you that I loved your hot flash sentence.. they suck and they do fry your brain. That alone is enough to tip the scales in favor of crashing.
    Be strong..

    • Dorothy says:

      Thanks for thinking of me….I’m trying to take it one hour and even one minute at a time as needed. When the snows come again I’ll lie face down in them!

  3. Dear Dorothy,

    Is respite care for your dad a possibility, even if it’s just one day a week? Or a few hours a couple of times a week?

    Love Dotty xxx

    • Dorothy says:

      Dear Dotty,

      I don’t do respite care for him because those that will come to the house won’t do toileting and that’s impossible to predict if he’ll need it while gone. Isn’t that silly?

      Love Dorothy

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