So, I’m back posting about being crazy again. Also I’m seriously struggling with the idea of staying sober. I don’t see any redeeming values in it other than feeling good physically. I am going crazy mentally because of menopause. I’ve been reading about it and it says that my other problems that I suffer from will more than likely recur too; the panic attacks and the anxiety, the psychogenic seizures I experience, these will come back more often. Also my vocabulary has been reduced to an elementary school level since the dictionary in my brain caught fire during that last hot flash. I have tried doing exercise and it gets me manic which in turn makes me want to kill everyone near me. I think I’ve become burned out from my caregiving duties too. I’ve been taking care of my father every day for over four years with only ten days away in 2010, my husband in 2011, and my mother for three years from 2001 to 2004. After the washing machine flooded I think I fell apart. Everything seems to be bothering me and I just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other but I’m only human. I don’t want to handle this anymore. I’m tired of being the one that makes all the decisions. I seriously need to get away from all of this especially in my own head.