The Voices Say…..TGIF

 

Yes, thank God it’s Friday and the end of another week. This has been a tough week for me. I’m still doing okay as far as not drinking is going. Today marks day 15 without alcohol and so far so good. But all during this week I’ve been getting troubled by voices in my head again and they have been getting progressively worse. It started Sunday night when I was going to sleep and I ignored it and luckily fell asleep right away but my frustration has grown as the week has gone along. I wonder, are hormones causing this because I am entering menopause or is it because the full moon was last night? In fact we’re having two full moons this month!!! AAAGGH…run for the hills! Yesterday I really felt like I was going crazy. I was dragging my ass all over the house trying to get all of the things done that I have to do on a Thursday: the laundry, collect the trash and take out the barrels for collection, the recycling, do the dishes, take care of my father, make the beds, pick up my medications at the pharmacy, and go grocery shopping after cooking. It doesn’t seem like much but I was stuck, like the brakes were on and I was dragging. When I went to get my pills I started listening to my music, the music makes me extremely manic. So, I go from one extreme to the other. I’m driving my car like a lunatic, singing (or yelling) to the music,bouncing all over the place and then I have to act “normal” when I go in to get my pills just in case I run into my doctor. ( No wonder I feel tired today) I think that’s what I hate most about my life. Is constantly pretending to be ‘normal’ when in reality I felt like pounding my fists into their parking lot and screaming. But, you know I like this medication, Risperidone, because it has prevented me from doing so, so far……I just keep getting these visuals of doing it and then there are days when I’m not sure if I have done something, or did I imagine it or did I just talk about it or was it an illusion or what the HELL IS GOING ON!  but I like this medication, Risperidone….oh, I already said that. I thinks it’s what’s keeping me too calm and dragging me around like the brakes are stuck on my bicycle but it stops me from killing myself and stops me from drinking, so I have to like it for that. Besides, what’s wrong with laying on the kitchen floor when one’s sober. It’s cool on a hot day and my dog likes me doing it. He looks at me like he’s laughing which makes me smile. And according to an article I read in the Smithonian Institute magazine, smiling, especially with your eyes removes stressful chemicals from your body or something like that. It’s good for you anyway. Lucky for you my train of thought has now thoroughly derailed because someone has just started power washing the neighbor’s deck. Why do people power wash the wood on their deck? Are they eating off of it? Are they licking it? The soap stinks and the noise is so annoying…it’s making my ears ring and I’m not closing my house up like a box. I don’t have A/C in my kitchen and I plan on cooking some home grown tomatoes into a sauce, so the windows are staying open…..GO AWAY WITH YOUR NOISE!! really, this is annoying…but there is nothing I can do…oh, I’ll put my head phones on just not plugged in…   😦     it did nothing   …and now my father is awake……..oh well……

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8 thoughts on “The Voices Say…..TGIF

  1. rainey says:

    Dot, just keep on keepin’ on…Sounds like you got a lot done yesterday. Today, like me, you sound like your mind is all over the place…must be the full moon, or cuz it’s Friday, or cuz the earth is spinning…who knows what causes us to feel this way? Just know I’m out here…and I hear ya….
    ~Rainey

  2. carlarenee45 says:

    I think you are doing really good Dot, especially with the drinking. I believe that you are right about the Risperidone keeping you dragging. I took that for a while and I ended up on the couch getting really fat while my daughter sneaked in and out with the hoodlum friends lol. I hate having to try and be normal when I have to go out too. That is one reason I hate going out. I’m afraid I will accidentily do something abnormal out there in front of the world cause I don’t know what is normal and what isn’t anymore. Hang in there sweety.

    • Dorothy says:

      I wonder if we can make our own ‘normal’ because sometimes I think society isn’t doing the greatest job.
      Thanks Carla and enjoy your Friday!!

  3. unfetteredbs says:

    yikes on the double full moons… fecking noise and fecking neighbors. Save a few tomatoes for their deck. Give them a reason to power wash it (smile)

  4. Dear Dorothy,

    Could the voices be part of the alcohol withdrawal – if so it might just take a few more days for them to go away. Good going on the 15 days. 🙂

    Two loony moons. I felt BONKERS yesterday, full on RAGE. It could definitely be that.

    Love Dotty xxx

    • Dorothy says:

      Dear Dotty,
      I’m not sure but today it’s worse but I’m not going to drink, I might eat more but so what. Life goes on. Today I feel that way too, totally mad at the world but trying not to be, just very irritated.
      Love Dorothy

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