If It’s Tuesday it Must Be Award Day

A great big THANK YOU goes out to Carla at Seasons Change, and so have I   for including me in the sisterhood and nominating me for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers award!!

Here are the Rules:

1. Thank the giver.
2. Post 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
4. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog.
Seven things about me:

1. When I was 19 years old I had 80 pen-pals from all over the world. This was long before the days of the computer and email when air mail and handwriting still meant something…hahaha.

2. If I could retire right now I would still retire here in Boston but I would do lots of traveling.

3. I would hate to be stuck in a room with a gloating politician. Nothing is more annoying than listening to one that thinks he/she has got all the answers.

4. Even though I can’t eat much I love to cook ethnic cuisine and make others happy.

5. Ever since becoming a widow I worry about how will the dating scene treat me since I have a mental illness.

6. I’m getting a new tattoo soon.

7. Before cars became computerized I used to be able to take them apart and put them together again.

My nominees to be part of the sisterhood are:

Rainy Daze at Rainey Daze and Crazy Nights

WeeGee at How do you eat an elephant?

PAZ at Melancholically Manic Mouse

crazybeanrider at Time Out in the Giggle House

I realize this has been a busy time for awards and some have already been swamped with many and even duplicates but I still believe that one more is better than none. Besides, I greatly enjoy all of these ladies blogs and I feel that they deserve the award, so I’m awarding it. Hopefully you’ll all participate but if not it’s understandable. Thanks for making my day brighter and more insightful.



When is a Door Not a Door?

Does everyone remember that riddle from the days when they were young? When is a door not a door? When it is ajar! Ohahahahahaha. Yes, so funny I almost forgot to laugh. Well, in my house today a door was not a door because it became a window. Thanks to the insurance agency who decided that we couldn’t have a door leading off to a second floor porch which didn’t have any railings (BIG DEAL!) we had to put a window in where the door used to be. You might wonder why we just didn’t put in a railing for the porch. Well just two years ago we had a new rubber roof laid down and one is not supposed to puncture the membrane and if we put in a railing they would have to do so in three places. That roof cost over $2500 and I’m not ruining it because an insurance agency thinks I might wander onto a porch in the middle of the night and forget there are no railings. This house is over 100 years old and it’s never had any but suddenly it’s a hazard. Also I was told if a thief was tempted to climb up there and went through the door or fell we would be liable. Fuck that. Since when am I responsible for an adults irresponsible behavior?
So, I hired the same wonderful men that did the work on my front porch, Ken, Bernardo, and John. They got over here at the ungodly hour of 7:45 a.m. which means I was up at 6:00 in the morning. YUCK. Which also means I went to bed early so I would be able to crawl my ass out of bed and not be a zombie. I hate having any people over early in the morning because I like privacy when I take my crap in the morning. I don’t want good looking men standing in the next room. I don’t have one of those Japanese ToTo toilets that play water sounds while I do my business. And I mean business in the morning. Anyone that’s ever taken psychiatric drugs knows that it screws up your intestines and how you go to the toilet. And after all, don’t we all just want to take one good shit each day? That’s why I have to get up extra early, so I can take my Nexium, wait 30 minutes and then eat my breakfast and have my cup of coffee, so I can blast it out in peace and quiet without anyone else standing around. They would thank me anyways. It’s bad enough that the Zoloft makes me pee 100 times after I take it. So, I was running up there what seemed like every ten seconds. They probably thought I was checking out their butts and maybe I was….hahhaha!

At least they removed the door, framed it for the new window, insulated it, put in the new window, and got it all ready for tomorrow. Now all they’ll have to do is the finish work of making the insides look like the surrounding walls and the same outside.  I’ll actually have to get up with an alarm clock tomorrow. I’m not even sure I know how to set it anymore. It’s been forever since I used one and it all seems so foreign to my pea brain. Well, at least Wednesday it will be back to normal I hope. I can get up whenever I wake up and not have to worry about when I go to the toilet.  Hallelujah !!

I’ve Been Tagged

I’ve been tagged by my friend Carlarenee45 from Seasons Change, and so have I .    Thanks Carla! It’s always fun to be tagged and hopefully I don’t drive you all crazy with my answers!


1.  Post the rules.
2.  Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
3.  Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4.  Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post.
5.  Let them know they’ve been tagged.

Now to answer the questions Carla asked:

1. What is your most fondest memory. Even if your life has been crappy, think of some time that brings good memories.
My fondest memory is meeting my husband for the first time, even though he was older than me it was love at first sight.

2. What is your routine before you go to bed at night?
I am somewhat compulsive and have to check the gas on the stove and unplug appliances, let the dog out, make sure the doors are locked, then I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, take my pills, and then and only then can I go to sleep.
3. If you could live in another place and time, what would you chose? I would probably need to go back to the pioneer days in the West because I am drawn to that time in history. Sort of like ‘Little House on the Prairie’-ish.

4. Tell about one of your most lucid dreams, or a re-occurring dream you have.
I can have some wild ones. I remember a very clear one where my Dad was driving his motor home with me and my mother in it and he had a heart attack and lost control of the camper. I tried to steer the vehicle from behind him as he lay slumped over the wheel and the motor home was careening over the roadway and bouncing off the road and into the grass. I woke up believing he was really dead.

5.  What movie has made the biggest impact on you?(name the movie and a little summary of it in case we haven’t seen it).                                                                                                                                         The movie is called ‘ What Dreams May Come’. It stars Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr.  After Robin Williams dies in a car crash he finds himself in a heaven more amazing than he could have ever dreamed of. There is one thing missing: his wife. After he dies, his wife, Annie (played by Annabella Sciorra) killed herself and went to what she believes to be hell.

6. Is there something you’ve been told has happened in your life that you have no memory of at all? explain if you can.                                                                                                                                              Quite a few things. I’ve been told many times I’ve said things I have no memory of.  Most of my childhood years before I was ten I have no memory of.

7. What was your first favorite song on the radio when you first got into music as a kid?                                                                                                                                                                                                          There are so many because I love music. There are the silly kid songs. I had records, Tubby the Tuba (lol) and ‘Snoopy VS The Red Baron’, ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head’ but I was influenced by my older brothers and sisters….The Moody Blues, The Doors, etc. Now that you got me thinking, my favorite was from Chicago Transit Authority and called ‘Listen’.

8.  Have you ever been to another country than your own? (if so, tell a bit about it)                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Yes, I’ve been to Japan, Italy, Canada, and Aruba. I loved Italy the most and would love to have a vacation villa there if I ever hit the lottery. My older daughter and I rented an apartment for ten days in Florence for a photography tour of the city. We did our own cooking and shopping and visited what ever museums and gardens that we wanted to see. I enjoyed the people so much there and loved the whole atmosphere of the city.

9. What does your blog do for you? My two blogs are a great way to express myself and to expose myself to same and different people (although inherently I feel we are all the same).

10. How do you feel about life on other planets (I’m not asking about UFO sightings).                                                                                                                                                                                                          Well, I’ve spoken in the past how I’ve been told I am a Starseed and originated eons ago on another planet. I originally came from omega-1 Tauri which is in the constellation of Taurus. My planet is about 291 light years from Earth. It is something I recently received confirmation of but most of my life I knew of this. I always felt as if I didn’t belong here and I felt as if I just didn’t get the ‘logic’ (for lack of a better word) of earthlings. This is not to say I don’t consider myself a person of Earth. It is just I originated elsewhere. I have had many, many lives and am considered an old soul. The sad part is being here on Earth I will still make the same mistakes to evolve just like everyone. All of us that suffer from any illness, mental or physical, are gifted in evolutionary terms for we are actually evolving quicker than those that are having the easy path in life.

11. Have you ever experienced some thing that you felt was paranormal? tell about it.    Many things but I instinctively knew that they were ‘normal’. After my brother died from AIDS ( he was in Calif. and I was in Mass.) I was working my job as a cleaner. I was in the mens toilet cleaning the sinks when I heard my name called. It was my brother who had died. I knew all in one word that he was okay, I could feel it.
I’ve also talked about the story when my husband died and the bird coming to towards the window and I could hear my husband speak to me too.
After Sept. 11th terrorist attacks I saw people dressed in business suits walking in my garden. That sort of freaked me out, but I was on edge anyway.
I also saw a little girl with curly hair, dressed in a long flannel nightgown standing outside my bedroom door and then fly up through the ceiling. All the while my terrier, Jing, sat on my bed growling (thanks Jing for scaring me, lots of help)
I used to work with a whistling ghost at the pet store I worked at. Shit thing used to start whistling and scare the crap out of me at 6:30 in the morning because I was alone. All the dogs with look towards it, even the birds. I could watch it on the surveillance camera and then see myself run out of the room….hahhaha.
I think that’s enough for one time.

Eleven New Questions:

1. What natural gift would you most like to possess?

2. In what country would you like to live?

3. How would you like to die?

4. What event in 20th century history do you most admire?

5. Who are your heroes in real life?

6.What is your idea of perfect happiness?

7. Do you prefer rock, paper, or scissors? Why?

8. What do you most value in your friends?

9. If you could be anything, what occupation would you choose?

10. How old do you act?

11. What ice cream topping are you?


Anyone who’d like to play along grab the tag and join in. I noticed quite a few of my fellow bloggers have just been tagged and I don’t want to double tag them but, please do join in if you want. I’d love to read your answers to the questions.


Early in the morning when there’s nobody….

I woke up too early this morning. In fact I didn’t get enough sleep last night. My fault partly because I stayed up later than I should have and then I’ve been waking up every morning at around 3:45 or 4:00 a.m. I am very groggy and it feels as if someone is waking me. Maybe my husband’s ghost is coming to see me. He used to start work at those crazy hours so maybe those are his haunting hours too. I don’t know what else it is. But as soon as I’m awake then I have to go to the bathroom, of course. I drink so much water now to take the place of what I was drinking before…lol. After I go to the toilet I go back to sleep. This  morning I was having a dream that I was jumping on a trampoline and some followers of a church were all chanting ‘The power of Christ compels you” when my father woke me up because he wanted to get up. I kept wondering where had I heard this chant before…”the power of Christ compels you?” ….it has been driving me nuts for the past hour or so until it dawns on my pea-brain to Google it. Lo and behold, oh yeah, it was from the movie, The Exorcist,….LOL….I must have been having an exorcism on a trampoline in my dream.

WOW..that’s amazing! That’s just what I need, an exorcism!! Drive the evils remains of the demons of the alcoholism far away from me and bring back the old me, the fun me, the one that didn’t need a damn thing to fall on the floor laughing because I just love to laugh and have a great time anyway.

Honestly I think I’m there anyway. Last night I looked around my living room where my wedding photo hangs on the wall  and I get the real feeling that my husband is moving along to better places in heaven now. Before I felt that he was coming and going, now I think he has an important job and is busy. He can come see me when ever I need him to but there is a different feeling in my house. I feel like now if I wanted to date again I could. Or if I start donating his clothes and shoes I can. I still get teary-eyed but I can do it.

I’m sure being one week without having any alcohol in me helps. I am very proud of myself. I haven’t felt this good about quitting something since I quit smoking back in 2001. I think the Risperidone is helping too. It seems to calm my mood and thinking quite a bit. Even yesterday when my daughter who is vacationing in California texted that she had tripped and hurt her leg and then had a migraine and felt like dying and just wanted to come home-made me feel stressed because I couldn’t help her. I tried calling and couldn’t talk to her because her phone went to voice mail. I was totally helpless and useless and 3000 miles away. I had to just handle it. Not drink, not freak out, not get mad, nothing. I managed to do so. That’s a big deal for me since before I would have poured a big glass of vodka and Kahlua and become totally zoned out to it all. So, thank you God, thank you Nick, thanks to my friends for listening and supporting me, thanks to my family for putting up with me, and thanks to myself too for not giving up. Who knows what tomorrow will bring!

Drip, Drip, Drip….said the Iceberg

Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?

Oh those famous lines from the ‘Wizard of Oz’……


Forgive me for liking the part where they all say…“HAIL to DOROTHY!” but I kind of like that and I think my family should say that on a daily basis.

Actually I am melting and I wish this thunderstorm would hurry up and get here to cool things off. Last night I woke up to a scene in the movie, “A River Runs Through It’, or whatever it’s called. All I know is, it was unbearably, disgustingly hot and I had three fans turned on and aimed in all different directions. My Dad was not happy that I took his socks off (he has a thing about feeling naked if his socks are off) but he felt like he was running a fever, it was that hot. So, his feet were naked…lol. But in his mind I am his wife (that’s what he told the doctor). God help me, I almost died. I’m glad I’m doped up on Risperdone and have no brain left but I think I’ll have to apply for disability. My plans to become a rock n’ roll star are starting to fade along with my dye job and my fat ass. I think if I apply for work and they ask what I can do and I say: swear at people, cook while swearing at people, play guitar badly, sing okay but yell better, do laundry, not that I want to, and am irresponsible when under stress because I’ll go even more crazy. I’m not sure what job I’m suitable for. Oh, I forgot, I can converse with the dead if they want to talk to me but I see them lots. So, I could be a bad psychic.  I think that’s a good career….the singing psychic that talks to the dead unless she drives them away with her swearing. That’s a great possibility. I’ll run it by them before applying. Wish me luck. Oh, yes, I also forgot, I like to drink vodka!

I’ll be back- Just because I know you’ll be here

Sorry, I’ll be back soon. My brother has been on vacation and he creates so much drama and extra work. Also my older daughter is leaving to go to California Sunday, so that is slightly stressful even though I’m the one that pushed her to go and is encouraging her. In my heart I know it’s good for her but as her mother I will worry. My younger daughter has reverted to being the responsibly dumb one again. Sorry I don’t like the word  “dumb” but she is not thinking at all. On one hand she gets on the Dean’s List at college for her excellent grades and on the other hand doesn’t go to the doctor when experiencing the symptoms of a urinary tract infection even though I advised her to go and not to wait because she had jury duty coming up. Instead she ignored it and it got worse and went to jury duty and got picked to sit on a jury and then at 3 in the morning needed to see a doctor at the hospital because the pain was so bad. This left me with two hours sleep then the doctor gives her antibiotics that she takes for one day and decides she won’t take them anymore, That’s the dumb part. Can I scream yet? The whole time my Dad has been hating me too because his golden son has been home and since they now have their Men’s club the evil woman can stay out. This sucks but I promised my mother I’d care for him until the end or until I can no longer do so because I can’t physically handle him.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR MONDAY TO ARRIVE!  I didn’t get my car’s oil changed but my brother got his car serviced. I think I need to work on asking for more for myself. I did too much for everyone else and not enough for me. Even my vacuum cleaner broke and I need to take it to be repaired. So, I need to make a list of things to do for myself so I can get organized to get things accomplished. Then I’ll feel happier. It’s finally sinking in that trying to make other people happy aint making me happy, just very tired.

I miss you all and will try to catch up on Monday.


Are You Afraid of Lists?

I bought a book the other day called ‘Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally’ by Patti Digh. Her stepfather had been diagnosed with lung cancer and only lived for 37 days after that. The book is based on things to try, for example, “do it now” 10-minute exercises which are based on a life lesson, etc. if you had only 37 days left to live. These are meaningful things, things that make you think and ponder what life taught you. So far I’ve enjoyed these lessons and some I’ve done with my older daughter too. For instance, one lesson I worked on last night while trying to fall asleep, was to list twenty things I was afraid to do. This is what I have so far.


I thought this would be easier than it is but realistically it isn’t.

Some of these, the being alone and the visiting the dying I’ve done which is why I’m afraid of them and hate them too. Others, I’m terrified of and will never try if you gave me a trillion dollars. Keep it, I don’t care about money. It won’t matter if I’m dead.

By the way, the point of the lesson is to try to do one or two of these things each day and to conquer your fears.  Well, I suppose when I’m alone I could exercise to get rid of this cellulite on my hips and ass then maybe I would wear a bathing suit to the beach in the year 2016. Good thing the Mayans said we’ll ll be dead, now I don’t have to worry about a yellow, polka dot bikini or a blue one piece.

Can you come up with your own list of twenty things you’re afraid of? Or how about ten, if not twenty? I’d love to know some of them in the comments if you want to share.