The Allied Forces of Support Award

Wow…a new award has been created by magicallymad at http://ocelotbound.wordpress.com

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It’s The Allied Forces of Support Award For Support Above & Beyond the Call of Duty and she has been so graciously kind to bestow upon me this award. It’s a very special award. The only rule with this award is that it stay in the mental health/health community and be awarded to readers who have consistently been supportive. I believe in what goes around comes around and I cannot help but connect to “magicallymad” because she is true to herself, helpful beyond words, funny, and can tell stories that leave you looking for more. A great person and a truly great award. Thanks for the honor.

I won’t be awarding at the moment because most of the mental health blogs I read have already been awarded by magicallymad and I don’t want to duplicate. So, I graciously accept and I will exit stage left.

Dot

 

Zombie

BRAINS!

 

An update on my magical mystery tour through the pharmacological world of my brain on drugs. I started taking Risperidone on the 14th of June and I’m amazed that two weeks have passed already. Where the hell did they go? My dosage began at 0.5 mg and now stands at 1.5mg. The increase warranted because of insomnia and mania. I find it interesting because when I began taking it I started getting insomnia and then the mania set in. Mania tends to follow disrupted sleep so they do go hand in hand but the doctor increased the dosage anyway. Secretly I laughed at this because I enjoy being manic so I whole heartedly agreed on the increase.

Risperidone is not a bad drug for me. The biggest pro is that the negative chatter that I would experience on a nightly basis is gone. I suppose if I went to bed at an earlier hour like I used to do then it might be waiting there for me but I’m not worried about that. I go to bed at a later hour now and when I do I’m so exhausted that I fall into a deep sleep and don’t awaken unless someone wakes me up. I still can hear my Dad who sleeps in the other bed right across from me and I’m able to wake up to go to the toilet. Thank goodness I haven’t needed the Depends yet, thank you!!

The two biggest cons are: feeling like a zombie in the day and showing some signs of anxiety. The zombies that have invaded my head may soon depart and I look forward to that. They are not that bad, just the type that make you feel like you’re tiptoeing through the tulips. When faced with talking to other people (meaning the public) it can be interesting. When I went to see my therapist on Wednesday I mixed her name up  and said it backwards and it took me a few seconds to realize I had done it. At least I didn’t care, that’s a first.

So, I am being very careful driving and not going very far. I’ll go to my local market and I’m just staying around home. I do feel like getting out again though which makes me hopeful. Maybe in another week or two I will be safer to drive regularly and then I can get some new photos and venture out farther in my car again. Maybe I’ll just take the train and go into town. I haven’t been anywhere in a long time because of my severe depression and I deserve the break from caring for my Dad. My older daughter is going to San Francisco on July 15 and my younger daughter is going to Puerto Rico so I should be able to get one night away, even to the beach. I just hate to leave my dog and worry about what happens at home. I have to learn to let go of the responsibilities. Do it for my own sake!

So, I am hopeful and will continue to stay on this regiment. I am glad to report that I haven’t had depression in over ten days. I’m looking forward to continuing the count too.

30 Days of Thanks~Day 7

Today I wanted to write how thankful I am to be an immigrant. Then I started thinking aren’t we really all immigrants. I’m thinking back to the days when the world was one big ice ball, the days of Pangaea and after. I used to love that part of history or as it was conveniently called Ancient History when I went to school. I’m not going to look up all the paleolithic names because I haven’t got the brain matter left to do those things since starting these pills but I’ll just say……..”When I was a kid…wait a minute, I’m not THAT old….how about when my father was a boy? (there, that’s better) the earth was still forming its continents and the plates were moving about and man eventually began moving about too. So aren’t we all just immigrants somehow, someway?

Okay Dot, you’re off your rocker.

I’m thankful for being the daughter of a LEGAL IMMIGRANT. There, that’s what I’ve been trying to say all along. My father immigrated here from Norway in 1926 and came through Ellis Island. I’m especially grateful his father settled in Boston and decided not to go out into the Midwest along with many of the other Scandinavians. I love living in Boston even though there are very few Norwegians here. I was raised to be an American and we only spoke English. I wanted to learn Norwegian but that was forbidden as we lived in America. As an adult I understand but it would have been cool to know another language. So, I’m lucky and thankful, I don’t have to go through the misery that people have to go through today that try to get into my country and even with the problems here I don’t see droves of people packing up to leave either. Thank you to my grandfather and to my Dad. Or maybe I should say MANGE TAKK!

 

my grandfather, father, and aunts

 

Midnight June 25

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.

Nothing special about the day for me, a Monday and I can look forward to doing laundry and cooking. I actually enjoy doing both but I need to go to sleep. I haven’t slept properly in over a week now. By the way, every word I am typing is spelled incorrectly and if it weren’t for the spell checker this would look like a demented version of an illiterate’s jigsaw puzzle. I have been reduced to being happy if I can accomplish one thing each day. Honestly, one thing. Today, I swept the front walk and took photos of my garden. Taking photos wasn’t work. Sweeping was. I also made my father’s bed . There, I was done for the day. I was going to take a nap but my younger daughter NEEDED to talk to me. She shut the door and needed to talk to me. It was THAT important. I confronted her first. Asking her the questions mothers ask 18 year old daughters, the questions that no one wants to answer. But I did because I knew the answers before asking. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good kid and I’m cool with her. Luckily we have got to a point that we can talk and I giver her privacy and respect. She understands that her mistakes are hers just like mine are mine but we are family and will always be and will help each other if we can. She just needed to talk about a guy that she was “dating”…..she wasn’t comfortable dating him nor anyone and needed to talk about that. I think she just needed to hear herself talk. In any case she felt better and then she asked if I could cook for her. Instead I offered to go out and buy something because I was tired. I bought her and her sister something. I never did get my nap. It’s strange how motherhood doesn’t change whether they’re 19 months or 19 years, I’m still tired and they still come first.

(I wrote this post last night and thought I published it but this morning it turned out it was not there. I think the lack of sleep is starting to effect me….hmmm…it’s possible..no?)

30 Days of Creativity~Day 23

It was a beautiful Sunday here, blue skies and sunny and the temps have dropped to 70 degrees. The type of day that one could fall asleep in a hammock if so inclined. But I feel that’s wasteful, even though I didn’t sleep much last night because I’ve been suffering from insomnia. I have to stay around my house though because of my Dad so I took some photos of my garden and the buggies. That’s what you get for today’s creativity…..my laziness, bugs, and stuff like that.

Dragonflies are my favorite. There will always be one that is captivated by the camera. It will stay still as if it wants its photo taken no matter how close I get to it.

We have a new baby bunny (I’m sure there is more than one) but this one has seems to be the same one and he keeps coming back every day. I was surprised to see him acclimatized already, as I approached the bench he didn’t even move. Later he grew tired of watching me and went into the next yard.

The new baby bunny surveys the seating arrangements.

Do you think I look good from my left side?

My yellow ‘Black-Eyed Susan Vine, one of my favorite and easy to grow vines.

Waiting for these to ripen.

I planted these ‘Zagreb’ coreopsis for my mother almost 20 years ago and they are still performing strongly.

One of my eggplants are flowering.

The sweet green peppers are finally budding after we got some hot days this past week.

These are just some of the photos I took but I won’t bore you to death with more of them. It was just nice to have an enjoyable day and not feel depressed like I have been lately. Hope you all had a good day too.

30 Days of Creativity~Day 22

MY AMAZING MAGICAL FRENCH FISH POEM

TODAY creates the one day that all others will follow.
Look to the left. Look to the right. Don’t forget behind you. Always behind you….they may be lurking behind you.

Dead body floating at the edge of the pier.
Missing since last night but nobody was aware
that you fell off the end in a moment spent being high.
So super high the sky was in reach
and the stars called your name and swung on the beach.

You answered them one by one and did a little dance with a fish that was striped and came from France.
Wore a top hat and carried a cane he walked around in circles and called out your name.
He spoke with an accent and I think it was insane.
Speaking words of warning about the herbal game.

Then he took your hand and spun you in a circle.
He asked to borrow money thinking you were Angie Merkel.
Musical notes appeared on the pier below your feet.
Tripping yellow tulips grew around named Pete.
Dancing to the music from another land.
Orchestral melodies that sounded so grand.

Ripples laid black in the water glistened
The moonlight bounced off tried to listen
Listened for the sound that all was foretold
She knew your agenda was to be so bold.
Fear was nothing written into your script as
you edged closer to the side. Will you slip?

Stars inched closer to bid farewell to a friend
they spoke nightly to as you danced  along the dock
imaginary partners, lovers in lock
Sharp stinging your eyesight, the stars became blurry
Cold slap to the face your breath inhaled hurried

Where is the crashing coming from?
The screams emitting? The echoes from all sides
your mind is submitting, the end is upon you as the
water closes around. Heaviness, sinking dragging you down. Confusion greets you then the stars sing to you.

Lightness lifts you higher and stars shine again.
My top-hatted French fish I see you again!!
I’ll dance on the boardwalk and walk among the flowers. But no one can hurt me I have magical powers.
They found you floating by the pier early that day.
You were forgotten by the end of the week. It was  election day.

I hope you all like this. This is my first attempt at creating a poem that I consider Lewis Carrollesque and I like it. It’s after 1:30 in the morning now and this new medication has given me insomnia. Maybe I should try to sleep again. Imagine the wonderful dreams I’ll have now. Oh goody!

30 Days of Thanks~Day 6

Today I am thankful for the honeybees, bumblebees, butterflies and moths, some beetles and wasps, bats, birds, and hummingbirds. These are especially important because they are pollinators. And this week is National Pollinator Week. Did you know that bees carry an electrostatic charge which helps the grains of pollen stick to their body? Some bees have a structure called the corbicula which is similar to a basket to carry the pollen.

bumblebee pollinator

Honey bees are by far the most important commercial pollinating agents. Honey bees travel from flower to flower, collectingnectar (later converted tohoney), and pollen grains. The bee collects the pollen by rubbing against the anthers. The pollen collects on the hind legs, in a structure referred to as a “pollen basket”. As the bee flies from flower to flower, some of the pollen grains are transferred onto the stigma of other flowers.

Nectar provides the energy for bee nutrition; pollen provides the protein. When bees are rearing large quantities of offspring  (beekeepers say hives are “building”), bees deliberately gather pollen to meet the nutritional needs of the brood. A honey bee that is deliberately gathering pollen is up to ten times more efficient as a pollinator than one that is primarily gathering nectar and only unintentionally transferring pollen.

Some of the plants and trees that bees pollinate are: strawberry, sunflowers, apples, vanilla, tomatoes, grape, beans, coffee, and cocoa (chocolate!!!). Who wants to give up these items??

Unfortunately you may certainly have to pay a higher price for all the items that are pollinated by pollinators because of what is known as “bee die-off”. An insecticide called neonicotinoids which is sprayed on the fields causes the bees to suffer a breakdown of their navigational abilities leading to paralysis and death. Eventually the bees contaminate the entire hive. You can read more abut this issue here: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/2012/04/06/common-pesticide-implicated-bee-colony-collapse-disorder/

and here: http://greenanswers.com/news/281465/bayer-making-bees-go-extinct          At the previous website you can sign a petition against the pesticides use.

dead bees in front of hive

I am an avid environmentalist and organic gardener and this issue is near and dear to my heart. Therefore I am VERY VERY thankful for the insect and other pollinators that create our food chain and I am looking forward to the day when usage of this poison is stopped.