I hate My Life

So I live it because I am supposed to and I am grateful for it because so many around me are dying but I hate how I feel everyday. I try to stay sober and I still am depressed. SO what difference does it make if I am sober or not at least while I am drunk I’m having fun and lost into another world. I hate everything right now. Nothing makes any sense. I told my therapist that I felt my drinking is caused by another part of me and not “me”, that I really don’t want to do it and she suggested I take Omega 3 fish oil. Yes, it’s true I won’t go to AA meetings because it’s not ME that’s drinking, it’s another, so why would it matter if me went to meetings, I’m not controlling the show. I need an exorcism but not from the devil. I don;t believe in the devil. I believe only in God and I think God is with me now but I don’t think God is going to help me because I have to help myself with the answer even if the answer ends my life. So be it. Many geniuses end their lives so why not others? I’m not ending my life now I just feel really out of place. I feel out of place and stepped on like a squished ant on the sidewalk…..FUCKING DIE!

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5 thoughts on “I hate My Life

  1. carlarenee45 says:

    oh man Dot. I wish you felt happy. I wish that there was something I could say that would make you feel good inside. are you going to therapy?

  2. Dear Dorothy,

    You’re bound to feel out of place – what you’ve had to go through in recent times would make anyone feel that way, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Is there any possibility someone else could look after your dad so you could have a family holiday – I don’t mean an expensive one, just a few days away from all that’s familiar to give you some distance from everything and time to be with your daughters?

    Love Dotty xxx

  3. Dorothy says:

    Dear Dotty,
    I was just thinking of going to the mental hospital as my holiday but even then I have to wait until July for my brother’s holiday. I am going to ask my sisters if they can get any time to visit to help him so he doesn’t have to do it alone because he’s not capable of handling my father by himself. My brother has his own disabilities (and that’s putting it mildly). So, right now I’m taking it a moment at a time.
    Love Dorothy

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