So I live it because I am supposed to and I am grateful for it because so many around me are dying but I hate how I feel everyday. I try to stay sober and I still am depressed. SO what difference does it make if I am sober or not at least while I am drunk I’m having fun and lost into another world. I hate everything right now. Nothing makes any sense. I told my therapist that I felt my drinking is caused by another part of me and not “me”, that I really don’t want to do it and she suggested I take Omega 3 fish oil. Yes, it’s true I won’t go to AA meetings because it’s not ME that’s drinking, it’s another, so why would it matter if me went to meetings, I’m not controlling the show. I need an exorcism but not from the devil. I don;t believe in the devil. I believe only in God and I think God is with me now but I don’t think God is going to help me because I have to help myself with the answer even if the answer ends my life. So be it. Many geniuses end their lives so why not others? I’m not ending my life now I just feel really out of place. I feel out of place and stepped on like a squished ant on the sidewalk…..FUCKING DIE!