30 Days of Creativity~Day 12

My Dad and I

My Dad and I (or Me)
whatever the case should be
shared a tough life together
it wasn’t sunny weather

black clouds on the horizon
his looks were not surprising
disappointment or disgust
Try harder I felt I must

But it never seemed to matter
I realized it was much sadder
for he couldn’t give what he never had
not from his own mother or his Dad

He’s 94 now slowly dying
my pain is still there buried and lying
not as controlling as when I was young
but occasionally lets go with a slip of the tongue

I’m a better wife, mother, and friend
and I owe my Dad thanks in the end
find something that I’m deserving of too
Perhaps, I’ll love myself when I’m through

Approval had better come from within
It’s probably best to begin
with myself and not look too far
I am only one among a million stars

But like the sun which is only one
without it may as well be none
They say you can’t give what you aint got
I give out love-Food For Thought.

The photo is of me and my Dad taken almost two years ago when he could still go outside. I was pushing him in his wheelchair at the arboretum. I tried to get a photo of the two of us. That’s my Dad’s usual expression….LOL


4 thoughts on “30 Days of Creativity~Day 12

  1. carlarenee45 says:

    that is a very sentimental poem. I hope that when your time comes to be cared for that someone will be as good to you. hugs

  2. magicallymad says:

    How wonderful. Your poem, not your Dad’s declining health. Not one to espouse wisdom, but seems like it does have to start with you. And with me. With all of us. The best advice any clinician ever gave me – and she was adopted, badly, with major abandonment issues – was the concept of mothering the self. Approaching yourself from the perspective of the Ideal Mother (I have been able to find not literature on this, so she may have invented it) – so you’re the child and the mother. And that’s a good place to start loving yourself.

    I LOVE your tee-shirt design. And you look like the lovely Edie Falco in this pic! And the Arbs, omg, I can’t believe I found an actual neighbor on here! Do you know The Tree – it has a giant canopy & all hollow on the inside? The tags are long gone but it looks like something from Japan? They have stopped mowing the grass (like Harvard can’t afford to maintain their grounds!) alongside it so it’s tougher to find these days, but that tree…something about it.

    You can’t get your Dad out anymore? My Dad is only 58 but he’s a solo contractor & I’m terrified of when he starts to really decline. My Dad visits faithfully when I’m in hospital (& feeds everyone else on the ward) & relates to me his own experiences of being locked up at 12 & all of the horrors that can come from a giant Boston Irish family (and the south-west neighborhoods – Ros, JP, WR, HP – we definitely had a different brand of Irish than the Townies or the folks from Southie). So we have that bond. It’s a sad bond, but it’s a unique and valuable one and your Dad is so lucky to have a daughter who understands him.

    Hugs & props, wonderful composition!

  3. Dorothy says:

    Thanks for all your thoughts and it is great to know you and be able to share these memories with someone who understands the city too. I love it here.
    Big hugs!!

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