For the past week my front porch has been torn down and the new one is in the process of being built. We are in the midst of a drought in Massachusetts, that is until I decided to finally get my porch rebuilt. Now suddenly Ye Gods have bestowed rain upon us. But of course. Also, I notice whenever my neighbor has her relatives over from England they bring their rainy weather with them. It never fails, it will rain practically every single day they are here. I feel sorry for them. They must get sick of having moss growing on their clothing. So, the work is progressing slowly but I am happy with these men. The owner of the business is very professional and has been very nice. His two workmen are very polite and orderly and leave everything as they find it. I am always fixated by this because my family never does that! I have to stop myself from inviting them in for a meal, reminding myself they are here to work, you are paying them, so what that the young one is good-looking…so what that the older one is good looking too. SHUT UP BRAIN!! It’s okay to watch them out the window, besides, it’s the most excitement around here in a long time. Except maybe when the two brother’s across the way decided to beat each other up and the cops were called because someone thought they heard a gun shot. That would be a rarity where I live. That day the entire street was filled with police cars. Of course, we just sat in our house laughing because we knew it was them again.
Anyway, today’s job was to fix the back doorbell now that I realized it wasn’t ringing. Usually strangers come to my front door and that bell works. The back door is for friends and they just come inside the porch and knock or just walk in. But now it doesn’t ring and I know nothing about door bells. So, I unscrewed the bell and a dead spider was in there…hmmm….I doubt that was the problem. The wires looked all scraggly and just held on by barely nothing so I figured that it must be a loose connection. Now a doorbell is a low voltage, less that 16 volts. A car is 12 volts and if you’ve ever been shocked by the coil in a car you know that it’s annoying but it won’t kill you. So, I took everything thing off and stripped the wires to some clean wires and went out and bought a new bell because the one there was an old piece of junk. Now to test it, if I cross the two wires it should ring. NOTHING…….it sparked a tiny bit. I don’t know what that means. The front bell works, so the transformer should be okay but the back bell only wants to spark. I don’t understand. This is when I start to make sounds that are like Marge Simpson….hhrrrmph…with other jabs thrown in for good measure…mind you I have been up and down stairs numerous times looking at the transformer. As if looking at it is going to give me the key to the universe. I even asked my father as he sat their with his eyes closed….”Dad? Dad? can I get electrocuted by messing with the transformer? What does it mean when the wires spark?” My father built and fixed everything in this house and has owned it since 1950 and a doorbell is beating me. I am getting angry even as I type this. When I was younger I could rebuild carburetors and fuel filters and remodel kitchens and do plumbing but now my brain is in some dopey fog. I taped the wires and covered the doorbell. It may have won the battle but I’ll be back and I usually win when I set my mind on something.